I feel used

Me: Sir, I would like to do a rectal exam on you to be sure you're not bleeding before I give you a blood thinning medication.

Paranoid schizophrenic patient: As long as it's you and not that guy-doc

Me: Yes sir, it will be me doing the exam.

Patient: Do what you gotta.

[rectal exam]

Me: All done sir, I'll let you clean up now.

Patient: That was the best sex I've had in years.