28 November 2004

It's amazing who you miss and what you remember when you leave a place. It's not necessarily the people you spent the most time with or the big nights out. More often than not it's small moments, even single lines from conversation. The people and moments that leave an imprint are unexpected - not always happy - not always life changing. Some that stand out...

Sui Lau when she told me "I wish you could see how beautiful you are"
JoeyT slouching on my bed while I pack at 3am
Swati clomping around in Jax's shoes - too small for Jax too big for Swats
Starbucks comfy chairs with JonJon at 10am on Sundays
O bugers with my brother and the Pike's at 3am just before graduation
Annabeth - always smiling - and Frampy the coolest car ever
Jamie and the mountain Dew pancakes
Chad's office - all I ever heard there was good news
The night with the lollipop at Tequila Willie's
Going to Priya's for a night when I really needed some comfort
My exit interview with Klepper
Talking with my brother on the porch in CA - he wants to be a dad someday
Singing Swing Swing Swing on the way home from clubbing
Mike Olson and his tireless desire to work for Deloitte - even in bus com
Quaker steak and lube because lube is... - Dave R

Most of these probably don't make sense to anyone but me. But that's why they're my memories.

22 November 2004

November has been quite an exhausting month. Very up and down - lots of good news and lots of could-be-better. Things are going a bit better at work - I feel a bit more confortable with what's going on and I'm getting along better with Kurt - but on the other hand I've never seen my boss so stressed out and we're working a full 6 day workweek (with long days). Opa was sick, got worse, but is now looking better. He should be released from hospital soon. My brother got mugged (he's ok). I haven't managed to lose weight or give up chocolate, but I've had the attention of two very nice guys recently. I still have that recurring nightmare though where one day they just look at me and go "this is not what I signed up for!" and bolt. Tutoring is lots of fun and it's going well - I particularly like the Ecudorian futbol player - he's really easy to talk to and really wants to learn. I could use some new good music, but that's such a small thing - there's always rediscovering old albumns to fall back on. Maybe I'm just feeling a little in a rut. What can I do to wake myself up?

15 November 2004

Thanksgiving. One of those holidays I don't completely understand or buy into, but nevertheless am not 100% thrilled that at the moment I'll be spending it alone with blockbuster. Yeah, someone else must be in town that I know.

On a much brighter note: this week has the potential to be absolutely friggin fantastic. I've got all kinds of social plans, things are (fingers crossed) running smoothly at work and .... well... someone called me pretty. Actually, more than one person. So basically I'm glowing because well... who wouldn't be?

XXXXXX: and that picture of you...
XXXXXX: was very very cute

Yes, this would be me glowing and blushing and smiling.

You know what would be awesome? A box of clementines. I walk by them every day coming home from work and every two days they get a dollar cheaper. How cheap will they get? What if they suddenly get more expensive? It's like the stock market with small orange fruit.

04 November 2004

Good God
You've got to think with a girl like that...
Any love at all, is better than nothing.

This is going to sound silly, but one day someone I think is incredible is going to think I'm amazing. And it makes me happy just to know that it will happen, one day. In the meantime...

She says she can find
The things that make up a life,
I bet she will.

You know those film clips you have in your head of your future? I get one of those inside smiles when I notice that yeah... sometimes my life looks exactly like those clips. The goals may change, but it's thrilling to see that you can and are reaching them - that you are making something of yourself.

I am a work in progress

It's not an excuse for imperfection, instead, it's optimistic. And truthfully, there's no point in reaching a goal without setting another one first - otherwise, well, you're nowhere.

What's the matter world
Don't you see I opened up?

02 November 2004

While monitoring election results I found myself surfing grad school and continuing education classes. I really want to go to either Stanford or Northwestern for grad school and I'm really tempted to just apply now for next fall. The only thing stopping me is the need to get recommendations from work collegues and I don't really see that going over too well at the moment.
I'm also really frustrated that you can't take online courses or night courses in chemisty, biology, orgo, etc. You would think lots of aspiring doctors and nurses and vets would need to be able to take these through alternative means, but I can't seem to find a way to get into a class. I'll give up my weekends, nights, free time - whatever - I just have to be able to go to work during normal work hours. It's so annoying because if I wanted to think about neuroscience I'd either a) have to complete more undergrad first or b) take is as an additional or second graduate degree (assuming I can qualify)
All I want to do is take friggin chem II at night/on weekends! Why is this so tough?!

01 November 2004

Damnit it's a good thing I don't have his phone number because I'd probably end up calling him. I don't know if that's better or worse. Painful to be told no straight up, but makes for better closure.
I can't even truthfully say I want him out of my head. Damnit damnit DAMN IT!