13 March 2005

I've been more social in the last two weeks than I've been in a long time and that's a good thing, but man I am having the weirdest luck with men! J called (he was in Bali for a week) but he's not free until the weekend, which is when my parents arrive. I guess I won't actually see him until a month after we met! I went to coffee with P, but like with M I just didn't get that stomach butterfly-spark thing. I saw E at a party, completely unexpected, and found out that he's dating someone now! Talk about totally missing my chance - damn that sucks. At least I can stare at C at work for another two weeks before I move to the trading floor. I mean, I never get this much attention, but maddenly it's not quite working out - I guess that's just the ways it goes. At least I'm meeting people and having some fun.
I have finally spent some time playing with IPOD hacks and podcasting stuff. It's all very nifty and my IPOD now has my calender and sticky notes on it. Hopefully tomorrow morning I'll upload my first podcasts and try out that new trend. I love how digital, integrated, and multi-purpose everything is becomming.
You know what I wish would come back into fashion? Big ballroom dances with live bands. You know, like in the 40's with the full bands on stage and a singer and everyone jitterbugging or swirling around the floor... it would be such a fun change from sweaty people grinding against eachother in public (not that I don't enjoy a good night out clubbing) - I just think it would be wonderfully (wholesomely) fun to dance like they used to. There must be somewhere in NY, right?

06 March 2005

I had a conversation last night with a friend that I've been ruminating over ever since. From this conversation has sprung a moment of clarity in which I was able to name something I have long known to be true of myself: I am an educational elitist. Some people pride themselves in their rare taste in music, others in fashion or athletic ability, I put my stock in education and learning.
The crux of the debate was over the idea of a the existence of a subset of the population that is more capable (smarter) than the average. What I am basically saying is that there is a small (small numbering in the hundred of thousands) group of people who are simply mentally more capable than the others. My friend believes my thinking to be dangerous and that it may prove to be my downfall (because in the arguement I indicated we are both in said subset).
While I fully agree that people's strengths lie in differing areas (people skills, language, music, athletics, art, math, etc) I also believe there are people whos ability is more fungible and applicable to the business of life and those people are then inherently more capable. I also know this sounds terribly un-PC and awfully arrogant. However, let me mention a parallel which I don't think people have such a problem with to illustrate my point.
When I was a freshman in high school my locker was immediately adjacent to the special education classroom. The adolescents in those classes ranged from "difficulty learning" to diagnosed mentallly defficient. As a society we readily accept and support those who are developmentally disabled. We do not expect them to be as capable and proficient at tasks and problems as the rest of the population and we are not cruel because of this. Yet, when I posture about the existence of people on the other end of the spectrum, the developmentally "superabled" I am now marginalising the average person; that hardly seems fair.
It is also important to note that no where have I indicated that people's worth is determined by their intelligence. I do not believe that smart people are entitled to more or worth more to society - I simply mean to point out that they exist as an identifiable group of people. After all, 80% of the population believes they are above average - some of them must be right.
I wonder then if the problem is not with pointing out the existance of those who are mentally gifted, but with my including myself in it? Is it arrogant or self-aware to place yourself in the intellgentsia? I am reminded of a scene in Good Will Hunting in which Will wants to remain a construction worker in place of becomming a mathematician. His friend considers this an insult and a waste.
It is wrong to expect too much of those who cannot perform as the rest of us, but is it not also insulting to pretend you are less than you are? We don't ask our Olympians and Oscar winners to say they are of average ability - we celebrate their talents and enjoy the fruits of their labour. Why then, is it such a taboo to admit that you're smart and want to use that talent in whatever way possible? Am I honestly a worse person for believe that I'm smart?

01 March 2005

On the subway on the way home I was standing next to a missionary (I found this out because he started talking to me) who was only about 20. He's from Utah and is a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints. I have to admit that missionary work is something I will never understand. Belief in God is tough enough, but to try and convince others that their fundamental idea of the composition of the universe is wrong and that you are right because some man hundred of years ago thought he saw an angel and wrote a book? Not to mention that the more science reveals the more metaphoric the Bible has to become in order to remain plausible. I don't want to sound like I'm calling all people who believe in God deluded because that's certainly not what I think - just that to take that to an extreme that at 20 you'll move penniless across the country (or the world) to convince others you're right seems... well quite frankly it seems crazy or obsessive. Certainly irrational.
I got my wish and had a lot more work this week and it shows no sign of abating. Work feels better again and I feel a little more like myself. A little frustrated that the gym isn't showing results, but maybe eliminating the nightime apples and peanutbutter will help : ) For now I'm fairly content and at peace. It's nice. Oh, I did get word that my cousin is in the hospital though with two collasped lungs. I'm worried about her, she's so young (kindergarten age) and collapsed lungs are so painful. Roosie - get better!