25 January 2005

Guess who got her number one choice rotation! Guess who will be working on the trading desk - OTC baby! Yes, that's right. YAY! And not only that - they want me ASAP - as soon as my boss can let me go! I'm sad to leave my team but I'm really excited to try this new stuff.
And on top of that - I got to spend the train ride home talking to this really cute guy with these beautiful blue eyes. I thought he didn't want to talk to me - that he was avoiding me, but... those eyes.
Had a chat with my mentor and she's so easy to talk to, really more like a girlfriend and sometimes I just really need that. I miss you Swati, Jackie, Annabeth, and Penny. She is really supportive when I haev career crisis moments but she also does some of that girl talk about boys and as much as I love my guy friends, they do not want to hear me whine about the lack of interesting males in NYC.
Eh, I'm too excited about my rotation to really care about guys right now anyway! WHOO HOO!
Ok, of to bed with moi. It's getting late (I feel old when I look at my bedtime) and the train comes early!

20 January 2005

Hey! It was a good day today - busy, quick, and I felt useful. It's completely true that people feel better when then feel they are useful, needed, and good at something. Unfortunately I was a bit snappy at people, patience was running low so I feel a bit bad about that.
Missed kickboxing today unfrotunately, but Alias end of third season was there! Woo hoo! Tomorrow I ask about my rotation and then Swati's in town for the weekend. Should be a good time, we'll have to see how Monday feels though....
22 felt so young today.

17 January 2005

Yan's Birthday

Sophie and I out to Sushi

Went to the gym and did a kickboxing class today - it felt so good! Why am I surprised that things like sleep and excersize make me happier? It's not a new concept...
Rotation request at work is happening this Friday. Fingers crossed that she not only says yes, she had the headcount and will spend it on me, but also, please, could I come sooner rather than later? Oh - wouldn't that be loverly?
Kicking around the idea of the following as back-up plan: Hit the one year mark and realise hey! ibanking is not for me. Whatever shall I do? How about travel extensively and then return to school to major in biology before going on to grad school... yes, sounds good. I love the travel bit and I really love the lots of school bit. I am a Dorkus Majorus and I am ok with that :)
Little scattered at the moment. Been thinking about writing - real writing. The kind-you-try-to-get-published writing. It's probably the strongest artistic talent I have. I'd love to flatter myself and say that I could be a graphic designer but let's be real here. I have a sense of style, but that does not a creative force make. But writing I can do. Can I do it long enough and consistently enough for a book - that is a good question. Can I come up with something that remains interesting past 15 pages? How will I know if I don't try?
Oh - news. My roommate is moving in with her boyfriend when our lease is up. This means.... drumroll.... I need a new flatmate in June. Anyone moving to The City this summer?

15 January 2005

A foreign friend of mine recently suggested that Amercian guys are some of the most curteous she had even met. At first I was taken aback because I have always thought them a bit rude to be quite honest. The thing is, that was then. That was high school and frat parties in college. Everyone is rude when they’re an adolescent. Being as asshole is a right of passage for guys just as being a relentless tease is for girls. Once we move beyond that stage though it’s true. By and large men here in America retain a sense of chivalry, even in New York City. I am encouraged through doors and elevators being held open for me. Just the other day a complete stranger gave me the last seat on a very crowded train. I was given the last spot on a packed subway this afternoon. For all the guys out there: you can act how you want in college, but shape up once you graduate because you’re playing in a new league: a league of gentlemen. And I for one appreciate it.

I left my wallet in Connecticut, or at least, I hope I did because otherwise I lost it and that would be trouble. So my Saturday consisted on tutoring (I think the Ecudorian football player is hitting on me), going to the gym, showering, and now I’m on the train to CT, to work, to rescue my wallet. I discovered it was missing when I tried to buy a salad at Pax last night. The guy gave it to me on credit – can you believe that? He told me to take it and pay him next time!

I love the train ride because I either sleep – which is wonderful in the mornings – read a really good book (I’ve been reading insatiably lately), or there are the most interesting people to watch. Right now the Russian girl next to me is on the phone – she has been for 30mins. The lasy in the fuzzy beret in front of me is pissed about it and keeps glancing back with a decidedly sour look on her face. There is a young (well, my age) black guy facing me three rows up and I think he keeps switching his stare between me and a girl opposite her. I am still surprised when people notice me. Honestly - 9 times out of 10 there are much more beautiful people around me.

09 January 2005

I saw Ben Joseloff when I was walking to Barnes and Noble this afternoon. Ben is a guy I had a crush on my freshman year of high school in Connecticut. He was in my English and AP US History classes. By the time I realised it was him he had walked by, but even if he hadn't, what would I say? What do you say to someone you weren't really friends with five years ago?

I've been in that nothing state. Not really happy or sad. Not tired but not energetic. Definately not motiveated to do anything but not really up for nothing either. It's a very detached state and there's no real reason for it. It's a perpetual state of waiting without the anxiety of waiting, without the expectation.

I've been craving school more lately. It's not that I miss less reponsibility or a larger social life - I miss learning all the time and having more control over my own schedule. But mostly I miss leanring. I miss using my brain and struggling.

I got my performance review at work and it was pretty much what I expected. They are happy with the amount of work I do, pleasantly surprised by how quickly I learn, and slightly annoyed with how badly I play with others. I know it's a defect but I've always had an impatient streak, especially with people who can't or won't perform but directly impact my performance. Look, if you can't swim, get out of the pool.

I'm still fascinated by the fact that everyone around me assumes the same sucess for me that I assume for myself. I mean, of course I think I'll suceed - it's part of being driven. I don't expect everyone else to casually agree. I made a joke to one of the trading assistants that in 7 years I'd be running the place in and he replied, in all seriousness, that he had no doubt. My boss and his director indicate the same. Ashley as well. In fact, I have yet to meet someone who has told me I'd hit a ceiling. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, I am quite honestly completely flummoxed. I assumed it would be a battle but so far the only battle is the bureauocracy inherent in large companies.

An important question still remains: What the hell am I doing in banking?

We went to Branch for Yan's birthday on Friday and I went a bit late. I was determined to have a good night and project confidence even if I wasn't feeling it. I was sucking on a lollipop to keep myself from drinking and I saw this really cute guy a few metres away. We kept catching each other's eye but I couldn't go talk to him because a friends kept cornering me with questions. It's only today that I realised I should have whipped out my digital camera and coyly asked him to take a picture of my friends and I. I made a resolution in senior year of college to stop going after guys because I wanted to be worth coming after but it's getting me no where. Game on.

Got nothing more at the moment. Well, nothing coherant yet. So I'll leave with a random picture from playing with the digital camera. Love that thing.