Had my mid year review and it was... almost what I expected. There were more compliments than I expected, to be honest. And the development points were accurate and not surprising, though teamwork was not one of them.
1) Watch my tone of voice. I come off as annoyed when I don't mean to.
2) Let people finish their questions before you answer, even if you have the right answer earlier.
The odd bit was that I was told to back off a bit. That I'm performing so well I'm not giving other people a chance and I'm covering for their laziness. Umm... huh? You want me to perform at less than peak to prove other people are doing worse than me? Hmmm.

Teaching the client service course was shot down by my boss (of course). So, things I've been offered but had to turn down because of my boss:
1) Capital Markets course (3 times)
2) Mock trading
3) Two extra days in London
4) Teaching client service courses
5) Product series lectures

On the other hand I've been productive lately... I've
1) baked bread/ bought groceries
2) cleaned my room/bathroom/kitchen
3) Finished my Penn application
4) Paid my cc/cable/electric/sa bills
5) Read the entire Harry Potter V/ ordered HP VI
6) Updated all my work projects/ cleaned my inbox
7) Created two new resume versions and 2 cover letters

Crap - I have to go in early tomorrow. Bed. Peace.

I talk a lot, but I don't really have much to say do I?

I admire those who can be so honest.

I'm pretty sure if I wrote what I was really thinking I wouldn't have any friends left. Not because I'm mean, because I'm a mess.

Mid year review - bumped to tomorrow... again.
BUT... I was asked to becoming a client service trainer, which would be pretty cool.
I also got accepted as a volunteer to at the NYU medical center so after my London trip I'll become a nurse's assistant on Saturday mornings. Being in the hospital for my interview made me want to be a doctor again - it made me want to be a part of the world. I don't really get the same feeling when I walk onto the trading floor - I just get a slight sinking feeling. I've also started realising how pointlessly trivial my job is. I mean, what's the point of trying to be an exceptional trading assistant? Everyone got along fine before I got there and will continue to do just fine when I leave.
Oh - and there's a guy from market risk at work, Lyn, and he asked to come out barhopping with me next time I went out in Stamford... which is a little strange since I swear he's in his thirites and he's an officer level above me.
I finally saw a picture of my brother's girlfriend - she's not at all what I expected. Doesn't look at all like his previous girlfriends.
The new girl I work with, Jen, is really cool. We read the same books and she's just so nice and friendly. She's exactly the kind of girl I'd love to have as a close friend - now, how do girls go about making girlfriends exactly?
My bad habits have been getting the better of me since I got back from Seattle. I've been overly honest, quite lazy, and completely lacking in motivation. It's time to kick my own butt into gear and get some things taken care of, try some of the things on my "stuff I'm interested in" list and get back to the gym now that I'm not sick anymore. Honestly, I expect so much of everyone around me and I want to be exceptional and yet all I can say I've done in the last year is complain about my job, find a drawing studio (and then never go), sign up for a road race (which I didn't run), buy some Russian books (which I haven't opened), and searched for interesting classes (which I never signed up for). Yeah, I'm exceptional alright.
I did make cinnamon bread for my traders though - that went over well.
Ok, resolutions:
1) I will go to the gym every night unless I have social plans
2) I will go to either a drawing or dance class every weekend
3) I will study Russian at least three times each week
4) I will NOT continue to eat entire boxes of wheat thins in a single sitting
One downside to the hospital volunteering thing - it means no weekend trips. If I'm expected to be there on Saturday mornings that means I can't really go gallavanting around the country every weekend. I'm sure I could get one off here and there - but they pretty much want 12 weeks consecutive service. Of course, if I do get into Penn... well I'd be leaving before 12 weeks. Scary.

Jonah found it - it's amazing: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Hey. So. Very long day at work. Very long. But it's over. Yay. I didn't realise how few airlines flew to Memphis, I can get to Montreal and back cheaper than Memphis. I've gotten a more urgent than usual itch to travel these days so I'm looking for the weekend trips that I can take to visit people or see new places. I need something to keep me occupied while I find a more engaging job; preferably one that requires an IQ greater than 70. I really love the people I work with and I wish that was enough. Speaking of which, it turns out that there is another CMU alum working on the cash desk not two rows from me! And, we were in the same graduation ceremony and received awards on stage at the same time. Yet, I still didn't know he existed until last Friday - crazy eh?
I'm having my mid year review at work this week - don't think it will be super surprising. I'm fairly sure I'll hear that I don't play well with others (lacks teamwork skills) but learn quickly and have ample motivation. Basically they'll say what they can't outright say - I'm not suited for a support analyst role, but would do better in "the business". But neither they (my management) nor I can outright say that I should be there and want to be there because, well, that doesn't go down so well in the logistics world. i'm quite interested to hear this boss's point of view though because I think he'll more readily critisize me than my last manager and I think I need that feedback. I think there are things I need to work on and I'm really hoping this is a constructive conversation. I also hope it will clarify what he expects of me and where he sees me heading because that's never really been out on the table so I don't know what is in store for me if I stay put.
My 3.5 mile race is Thursday but I feel like death warmed up. I might take a half day tomorrow if it's not to busy to sleep, medicate, and hopefully kick this for real. I can live with a sore throat and a cough, but the headaches, dizziness, and intermittant nausea are getting old fast. And no I'm not pregnant.
Oh, I found out what the traders call me (everyone has a nickname). My boss calls me Stefdogger (no idea where it came from) but the traders call me Ace of Mase. It could be a whole lot worse so I'll take it.
With that, off to bed.

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

So dont go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day ... In the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
With all the things caught in my mind

Me and you whats going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

It's official, all the little dramas and problems are solved! Yes! i'm not quite caught up on the To Do list, but that will come. I have to admit my dominant feeling at the moment is relief, relief and maybe just a little exhaustion.

Saw Batman, liked it. Next must see: War of the Worlds.

Life still feels like college. It doesn't feel significantly different. Is that weird? I still don't feel 23 and it's been two weeks.

The one thing that's on my mind the most I can't really write about because it's possible that people involved read this. I don't really feel like talking about work so there's not much to say.

England July 6 - 15, possibly the weekend in the middle will be spent in Prague. Should be fun :)

JP Morgan corporate challenge 3.5 mile run on Thurs, I hope I'm ready.

Work tomorrow so, peace.

It has been a very tumultuous couple of weeks and it shows no sign of slowing, especially not since it's expiration Friday this weekend! Nothing like having to work late on Friday, go in on Sunday, and be in at 6am Monday to make for a rockin weekend. Not that I should complain, after all, I'll be in LONDON from July 6th - 15th! And I may just hop a quick flight to Prague for the weekend in there ;)
Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike the medical insurance process? Well, I managed to come down with an infection (nothing serious or contagious) and went to the doctor to check it out. Challenge 1: Find a doctor, in my plan, who is open on weekends. The doctor himself was actually incredibly nice, but you have to pick up your test results in person so basically a doctor's visit is now a two weekend affair. Ok, prescription in hand I go to the 24 hour pharmacy (thank god I live in NYC) where I'm told it will only take 1/2 hr to fill the prescription. Physched I run out and grab some groceries (it's 10:30pm at this point). I get back to the pharmacy and they call my name and guess what? Apparently I have an insurance card and a prescription card and I had only brought the insurance card. So now I have to go back tomorrow with the other card in order to get the prescription and have it billed to my insurance. It seems like an awful lot of hassle for an infection who's symptoms have already cleared up.
I'm also behind on filing my bills (they are paid), writing thank you notes and bday cards (sorry Jackie), my Penn application, donating to the thirft store, and depositing checks. I'm sure there's more, I wrote a long list in my scheduler thingy. I need 48 hours to catch up with life but not this weekend... expiration Friday.
At least I'm not all flustered from the Memorial Day episode (talk about a SEVERE lapse in judgement) and my trip to Seattle anymore. I feel a bit bad because I was a total mess in Seattle and I figured I'd just pretend everything was ok and put it on hold while I was there but i don't think that worked so well (I am so transparent) and it made me feel like I'm playing catch up now. I wouldn't have traded that trip to Seattle for the world though, it was a blast. I still find it amazing (in a goood way) when I discover who my friends are when I move away from somewhere. It's usually not who you think.
Ok, I need sleep (another thing I'm behind on).