Remixed: No Handlebars

[to the tune of Handlebars by the Flobots]

I do dissections with my Netters guide
My Netters guide
My Netters guide

Look at me, look at me
Hands in a guy who's so sad to be
DECEASED
And I'm an M1 student
Though my stethoscope's brand new you'll see
I can hear your heart go boom ba-boom
I can show you how to take blood pressure
I can take a full patient history
And I an almost tell you what it means
I watch all the lectures at double speed
And I take all my quizzes in the LRC
I know all the types of cell necrosis
And I'm proud to be at Michigan
Me and my friend saw a surgery
Me and my friend can place an IV
And guess how much we sleep
I can treat anything you got cuz, see

I can hear a murmur with no stethoscope
No stethoscope
No stethoscope

I see your MI on the EKG
on the EKG
on the EKG

Look at me, look at me
Cuz I'm on call but I'd rather be
ASLEEP
In such a warm bed
Tired out with dictation to do
I won't make money in my residency
And I won't see my significant other
I'll be almost forty before I'm debt free
Almost a quarter million dollars
I will proscribe antibiotics
I will make your body function without your heart or lungs
I know how to check a reflex
And I can make you stick out your tongue, say ah
Doctors, surgeons and the patients
We all find insurance so frustrating
I see the slowing on your EEG
But no epileptiform activity

I can hear your problems but I'll never tell
But I'll never tell
But I'll never tell

I can thin your blood with IV heparin
IV heparin
IV heparin

Look at me, look at me
Learning and I won't stop
It feels so good to be an
MD, yeah a doc
My oath is global
My ethics secure
My profession noble
My job is to serve
I will hand out a million vaccinations
And give all my patients good explanations
And sew up so many lacerations
Perform post-surgical extubations
I can write a complete review of systems
Including your vital signs and
All of your medications in a list when
You get discharged and it's time to go

I can see your brain on the MRI
the MRI
the MRI

And I can stop the seizures with some Topamax
With some Topamax
With some Topamax

And I can fix blue babies with a full Fontan
With a full Fontan
With a full Fontan